Don't Drink, Go to Meetings, Make your Bed

I heard that I needed to go to at least 1 meeting a day for 90 days, 90 in 90 they called it.  I did 287 meetings in 90 days.  I had nowhere else to go.  I hated being alone with myself, so if I wasn’t working I was at a meeting.  A typical day went like this: 5:00 a.m. I get up, make coffee, turn on the computer.  I drink my coffee and start doing paperwork, and then things start turning to shit.  I am learning to do my books on line, and I just didn’t get it. By 7:00 a.m. I needed to get to a meeting.  Day Openers was the group, and there were usually 75 to 100 people there every day, 365 days a year. I would go in and whine about my life and struggles.  The people would always tell me “Don’t Drink. Go to meetings and Keep coming back”  Went to breakfast, then to work. I was a basket case.  Went to a noon meeting, back to work. After I was done working I went to the 5:30 p.m., a 7:00, and then stay for the 8:30 meeting. Home and bed by 10.  I remember asking in a meeting, How many meetings a day can I go to before you people think I am a complete looser?

A young woman came up to me afterward and told me that there were like 368 meeting a week in the area where I lived.  She handed me a little booklet she called a  “Where and When”, it lists every meeting in the area, places and times.  Just go to different locations for the meetings, then no one will have to know how big a looser you are. 

Ha, Ha.   That was my first trick I learned in AA. 

I didn’t sleep much that first month, maybe 3 hours a night, and those were some of the longest nights I can remember. I was really needing that 7 a.m. Meeting.  It was full of some real characters. One of my favorites was “Make Your Bed” Bob.  He always had something to say and when he was done he would always say Don’t drink, Go to meetings, and Make your Bed.  After the meeting I asked him why he said that?  He asked me if I made my bed every day?  I told him I didn’t.  “Make your bed and you will know”. He said.  Why don’t you just tell me?  He just smiled and said “Make your Bed”.  The next morning I made my bed, cleaned up the clothes thrown into piles. Moved them out of sight anyway, and went to the meeting.  I made a point to tell Make your bed-Bob what I did. He just smiled.  That night when I got home after the last meeting I went upstairs into my room, it looked great, no clutter, neat.  I noticed a difference in the way I felt inside, and it felt good.  The next morning I did the same thing, I also straightened up the kitchen before I left for my meeting.  If it worked in the bedroom maybe it will do the same with the kitchen.  Bob came up to me and asked about the bed.  I told him how good it felt to walk into my room and it wasn’t a total wreck.  He smiled and said, “Remember Messy Bed, Messy Head”. And then he said: “Jim, you will never be able to think your way to good behavior.  You have to behave your way to good thinking.  Move a muscle, Change a Thought”. I loved that guy.  He had I think 23 years sober then.  He had learned a few tricks about this sober thing over the years.  I got it, I understood.  My mind was racing all the time, I had lived in chaos for so long that now since I wasn’t drinking and adding to the chaos, my mind didn’t know what to do. So I think it would create shit in my head to give itself something to do.  I was so busy dealing with the shit in my head that I never cleaned up around my house. My house was a mirror reflecting my state of mind.  God what a mess.  The action of making my bed, washing clothes, folding them, putting them away. Cleaning the house, began to change my thinking. I liked it.  My life still sucked, I felt lost and confused most of the time, but that feeling of safety that I felt when I was at a meeting never left. I really needed to feel safe.